And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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