it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
