i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
