having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
