whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My ass is underappreciated
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
