I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
