apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
