No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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