the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
