I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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