She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
