I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
