Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
