I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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