watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
