I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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