I want you more than these girls want KFC
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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