if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Found the puke drawer
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
And then my night got REAL pukey
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
