He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
