i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
