i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
