we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
