So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
