Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
