i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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