I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
