Your tits are I can't wait for
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
