I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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