I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
