pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
soo... how was my night?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
