remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
