yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
