If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
