You can't special order awesome
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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