I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
