you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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