You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
