the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
