11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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