Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
