I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
