i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
they need to just BURY HIM!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
