It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you would pick up someone in the library
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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