I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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