So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
my liver is dry heaving
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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