i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
