none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
