He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
