Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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