Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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