We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
