I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
